Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dear god my vagina.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
