Having a random hookup so left but love u
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
