OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
