Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
