your parents love me but you hate me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
