As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
