You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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