i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
