And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
