what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
