How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
