Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
