He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
