I saw his package. It spoke to me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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