Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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