Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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