Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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