She is in my trunk
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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