READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
