His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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