The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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