I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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