Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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