I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
