he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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