my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
