But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
