But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
