The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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