what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
vagina is talking i cant
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
