when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
