In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
