just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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