we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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