in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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