i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
