Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
