do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
