Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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