Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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