That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
