My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I could make wine with my vomit
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
