he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
