Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
