Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
