respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
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Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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