road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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