I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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