Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
