I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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