The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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