so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
