you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want a musical about memes.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
