Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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