kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
