ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Michael Bay diarrhea
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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