They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
