I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
