He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
