i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
