so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
