all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
