I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
whose parrot is this?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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