I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
