I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Mom said you looked used
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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