I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
