before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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