Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
