Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
