HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
