I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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