toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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