meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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