Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
