I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
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I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
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Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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