Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
