She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My balls are so social today.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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